Romantic Proposal

Until recently, I was convinced that there was no existence after death. Now, I’m not so sure.

My fiancee died six months ago. Two of her characteristic habits were befriending any and every cat she met in the street, and picking up those plastic loops that hold packs of drink cans together so she could break open the loops to stop creatures getting trapped in them. I never used to do either of these things, but I frequently find myself doing both. That doesn’t worry me.

What concerns me is that I’ve started to wonder whether she is somehow involved. When I change my normal route on a whim and find a plastic loop, did she nudge me somehow so that I would find it? Is she arranging these plastic loops in my path to prompt me to think of her, to ask what she would think of whatever I’m pondering? She liked cats so much that I wonder whether she’s inside the head of whichever cat I’m stroking.

It’s comforting to think of her continued existence after death, but that doesn’t mean that it happens, and comfort, whether in the form of whimsy or alcohol, can become an unhealthy prop.